Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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