i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
