She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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