I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A+ Viking dick
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