fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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