i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
