So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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