She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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