I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm going to jail i love you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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