Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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