in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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