Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
