1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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