Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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