I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
