Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
