Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
