so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
