also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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