No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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