girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
