I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
