everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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