I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
