WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
