Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
