the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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