i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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