after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
