the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
