I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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