Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
