i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
