My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
