I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
