if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
