I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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