she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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