so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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