Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
