Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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