He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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