dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
