I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
