So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
