i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
