Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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