is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
