Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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