Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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