the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
