The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
