i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
