allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
