and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize