Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
