Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
