: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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