I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
