I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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