can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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