If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
