Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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