I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
