hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Me too!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
