I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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