Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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