Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
