She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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