Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
