Your mouth is God's brothel.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
