I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
