Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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