half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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