NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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