Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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