dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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