You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there is glitter all over my balls
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
