I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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