She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
