If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't tell me you're on acid again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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