Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I will die if light touches me.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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