I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize