I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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