ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
