mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
