Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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