Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
