There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
